Sunday, December 31, 2017

Everything's Free In Heaven


        Everything's Free In Heaven

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash.

They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health, food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next, they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.

They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "what are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."


Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing 

down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly. Peter 

and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him

 what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"



                      FOOD FOR THOUGHT -2018             
                                 WISH U ALL 
                         A HAPPY NEW YEAR
SCHOOL - 1950s v 2017

Scenario : 
Johnny and Mark get into a fight after school. 

1950s - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. 

2017 - Police called, and they arrest Johnny and Mark and charge them with assault.
Both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Both children go to anger management programmes for 3 months.
School governors hold meeting to implement bullying prevention programmes.


Scenario :
Robbie won't be still in class, disrupts other students. 

1950s - Robbie sent to the office and given six of the best by the Principal.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again. 

2017 - Robbie given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD – result deemed to be positive.

Robbie's parents get fortnightly disability payments and school gets extra funding from government because Robbie has a disability.


Scenario :
Billy breaks a window in his neighbour's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. 

1950s - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman. 

2017 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care; joins a gang; ends up in jail. 


Scenario :
Mark gets a headache and takes some Aspirin to school. 

1950s - Mark gets glass of water from Principal to take aspirin with, passes exams and becomes a solicitor.

2017 - Police called, car searched for drugs and weapons.
Mark expelled from school for drug taking. Ends up as a drop out.


Scenario :
Johnny takes apart leftover fireworks from Guy Fawkes night, puts them in a paint tin and blows up a wasp's nest. 

1950s - Wasps  die. 

2017- Police and
Anti-Terrorism Squad called.

Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, investigate parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated.
Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly in an aeroplane again.


Scenario :
Johnny falls over while playing football during morning break and scrapes his knee.
He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.  She hugs him to comfort him

1950s - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing football. No damage done.

2017 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job.. She faces 3 years in prison.
Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy and ends up gay. 


This should be sent to every e-mail address you know
to remind us how stupid we have become!

Saturday, December 30, 2017




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Thursday, December 28, 2017

TIBET : The Dalai Lama Wants to Return Home


The Dalai Lama Wants to Return Home

1971 INDO PAK WAR : Looking Back at the Geopolitics Behind Pakistan’s ‘Genocide’ of 1971


Looking Back at the Geopolitics Behind                   Pakistan’s ‘Genocide’ of 1971